Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
