Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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