he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
