have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
