There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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