good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
