now i know why i became what i already was.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
