2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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