Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
