Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
