he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
