just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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