this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
