Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
