he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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