Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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