I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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