I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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