Betty ford says i'm here all night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
