i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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