drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
