he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
