Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
