I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
