I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
