it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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