So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
