I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
