True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
