Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
