im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
