There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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