Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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