Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
