I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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