we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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