Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
