It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
