Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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