i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
