Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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