why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
