i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
