Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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