I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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