Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
