I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
