I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
