If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
