I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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