so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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