my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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